by a Thinker, Sailor, Blogger, Irreverent Guy from Madras

Caregivers have it tough


I’ve always thought that the caregiver ‘Thom’ in Lincoln Rhyme novels had a big role to play in the progression of the story and also the interactions between Lincoln Rhyme and Thom always provided a light aside in the novels.  I’ve also personally felt that the depiction of the family in the movies, variety Hollywood or Bollywood,  when a family member is sick is overdramatic.

To see a family member dishevelled and distraught at the sickness of  a dear one, whether in a movie or a story was too much off the charts.  But what do I know.

My mom was sick for the last 6 days and taking care of me has run me ragged and today, I can fully understand the pictured version holds some truth.  All the chores and all the doing about to maintain normal life is mind boggling - when the need to take care of the sick one is top most in one’s mind.  It even stops an avid and an eager blogger like me from blogging.

Sheesh!  there goes my grammar.

Whatever you do and wherever you are, there is the constant thought running in your mind of the next time to give her the medicine, food, water and natural needs, though my mom wasn’t ‘sick’ - at its most vulnerable sense.

If that is the case with me, a son, it is a great thing that people can and do take care of completely total strangers - for money, of course, but even then, it is just great.

And it has taught me a lesson.  People who can, for a time at least, put off the worry, the question, and the concern and think about others, do deserve a lot of respect.  I am not one of them, as my negligence of the blog would show.

Over the past week, I also come to understand the efforts and the concern of a lactating mother to her child.  I’ve always thought it hilarious when usually Hollywood movies depict a father feeding the family cat or dog instead of the child or the marriage itself in problems because of the perceived differences between the lactating mother and the father on taking care of the chores.  Coming from India, where such chores are considered and ‘taken’ to be part of a mother’s problem, it has been a real eye opener - and hope it would make me a better man.

That said, I think that caretakers while ‘controlling’ every aspect of life of the person cared for, shouldn’t assume the same when the cared person gets well or is able to take care of himself.  To put it in perspective, I’ve had unfettered access to my mom’s kitchen (in my home) while she has been ill.  For the last 3 days it has been a kitchen-in-a-magazine.  It has never looked so spic and span as it has been for the last 3 days - from the day it has been constructed.  But it would be grossly amiss of me to try and dictate the terms to my mom once she gets well in the next week and insist that the kitchen should be maintained ‘thus so’.

To my mind, the caretaker is like a carer for an injured or sick wild animal or bird.  You are here to take care of it/he/she till it/she/he is well enough to tend for itself/herself/himself.  After that to try and impose the caretaker’s will or style or way of life is just not done.

Even greater is the danger of the caretaker assuming roles for him/herself which is beyond his realm. Back in India, we have already a suit going on in the courts of just such a behaviour - Lodhi vs Birla case, wherein the auditor is alleged to have usurped the deceased will (literally) to allegedly try and assume control of a business empire.

I am no one to advice or suggest plots to Jeffery Deaver but I do feel that he missed an opportunity in not trying to explore these angles in the Lincoln Rhyme novels.

What if:
  • Thom the caretaker had tried to ‘protect’ Rhyme from ‘getting’ into a ‘natural’ love interest in Amelia?
  • Thom was instead a ‘Thea’ in trying to turn Rhyme’s natural instincts on love to herself?
  • Thom as himself had tried to interfere in Rhyme’s get back relationship with his long lost family and his brother?
Questions unanswered and for us to speculate. 

But Lincoln Rhyme, being Lincoln Rhyme would have seen through all such manipulations by Thom/Thea and would have emerged an even stronger character, wouldn’t he?

So for all the Thoms and Theas out there, just do your job - take care of the person in need, when he/she needs it and let the person go forth and bloom - like I would do.  Otherwise, Lincoln Rhyme can always out think you.
:-)

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