That’s when the fight started …

Some good ones to lighten the mood for the weekend:

• Last year, I bought my mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Deepavali.   Last month, I said that I wasn’t planning to buy her presents this year.  When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the last year’s gift!"
  That's when the fight started …
• Weekend before last, my wife and I were watching Kaun Banega Crorepati.  I asked her for a cuddle and she refused.  I queried, 'Is that your final answer?' to which she just nodded.  And I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
  That's when the fight started …
• Middle of that week, I took her to a restaurant, to make up.  The waiter, for some reason, took my order of pork chops first.  He asked, "Aren't you worried about the sick swine?"  And I snapped, "Nah, she can order for herself."
  That's when the fight started …
• Our lawn mover has been broken for 6 months now and all her nagging hasn’t made me to fix it.  Last weekend, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with manicuring scissors. I watched her for a few minutes, went in, returned and handing her a toothbrush said, “When you finish the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
  That's when the fight started ...
• Sunday eve, we both made it to her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a lone drunk swigging his drink.  Naturally, I asked her, "Do you know him?"  "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.  He took to drinking right after we split and hasn’t stopped yet!"  I commented, "God!  That’s a real long celebration."
  That’s when the fight started ...
• Couple of days back, as I was flipping channels, my wife sat down next to me with, "What's on TV?"  I said, "Dust."
  That’s when the fight started ...
• Yesterday, my wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.  "I want something red and shiny that goes from 0 to 70 in about 2
  seconds." I went home with a bathroom scale.
  That’s when the fight started ...
• Today, my wife was inspecting herself in the bathroom mirror.  Not happy with what she saw lamented “I feel horrible;  I look old, fat and ugly;  I really need you to pay me a compliment.”  I replied, "Your eyesight is perfect."
  That’s when the fight started ...

---