Does Malware tech need a CalTech

An advisory on virus/malware prevention, detection & removal techniques, rewritten on popular request.  The question 'how can I prevent my PC from a virus' is like asking 'Driving at what speed is safe'.  The answer is:

• 100 kph is safer than 120 kph;
• 35 kph is safer than 100;
• 3.5 kph is safer than 35;
• but the safest is not to get into the car at all. 

;-) LOL.

Similarly, the only, absolutely safest way to keep off malware is:

• Install Windows XP & Office XP, and then, play only FreeCell;
• never add another file (through floppy, CD, pendrive or internet) to the PC;
• even better - never switch on your PC at all.

:-D    ROFL

Jokes apart - Here are the simple (not so simple) rules to avoid or minimize virus infection.
Warning 1 : It is going to be a very long post ... read ONLY at your leisure.
Warning 2 : It carries no guarantees ... use ONLY at YOUR own risk.
What are different types of malware ?
Well there are Virus, Worms, Trojans, Adware, Spyware, & Rootkits.
All of them aim -

• at best : usage monitoring;
• at worst : data corruption & theft.

In very simple terms ---

• When it aims to just infect & corrupt, it is called 'virus'.
• When it can also propagate on its own by using email or network, it is called 'worm'.
• When it carries a 'hidden-payload', it is called 'Trojan'.
• When it starts 'feeding' you advertisements, it is called 'Adware'.
• When it 'spies' on you - browsing habits or passwords - it is called 'Spyware'.
• Then there is the latest & worst of all - 'Rootkits'.
• They not only infect, but also become part of system; hence the part of the name 'root'. In Unix/Linux the 'administrator' is 'Root'.  Since this 'thing' becomes part of system administration or 'root',
  it is called 'rootkit' even on Win machines.

Most malware are removable with 'specific' removal tools - except for some rootkits, wherein the only way to remove an infection is to format & reinstall. So, what to do ?
To put it in simple terms, the suggestions in brief are :

• 1)   Make sure your OS is up-to-date (with security updates / hotfixes).
• 2)   Get & Install a Firewall (keep it updated) & Keep it running.
• 3)   Get & Install an Anti-Virus (keep it updated) & Keep it running.
• 4)   Get & Install an Anti-Spyware (& keep it updated).
• 5)   Get & Install a Rootkit Revealer (& keep it updated).
• 6)   Make sure your anti-virus is working fine & keep 'heuristic' scanning capability 'ON'/Enabled.
• 7)   Regularly scan PC for virus / spyware - say once a week.
• 8)   Make sure the anti-virus scans 'files/folders' when you access them, especially when a floppy, CD or pen-drive is inserted to the PC.
• 9)    Never open any email attachments/files from any unknown source.
• 10)  Never open any suspicious attachments/files, EVEN from known source.
• 11)  Use only text-only mails & avoid html mails.
• 12)  Make sure your email program will open only text part even if the mail is html.  If your email client cannot do it, change your email client.
• 13)  And, yeah, DO NOT use pirated software.  They are the main source of malware distributions. 

Apart you  should also learn these things (just to be safe) :

• 14)  Learn a lot of swear / cuss-words. Let go in a blue-streak, when in spite of all above, the PC gets infected.
• 15)  Learn how to format & re-install OS; so you never need to fear a virus.  Many times, a full, deep AV scan takes longer (3 - 4 hrs) than a quick format & instal (1 hr).
• 16)  Change over to Linux. Once you have Linux Box follow the steps (1) to (13)

:-D  ROFL

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